Post by Pierce Cavanaugh on Jul 31, 2008 20:48:40 GMT -5
Ryan Seacrest: Hi, I’m Ryan Seacrest here at the world premiere of the new George Lucas film, staring Jackboot, Booty Juice. The red carpet is rolled out and the stars are here, let’s get a look.
-The camera pans off the flamboyant man and onto the roped off area. Cameras constantly flash at seemingly nothing until the first of the limousines pull up. The door opens and out pops an unshaven man with his gorgeous date.
Ryan Seacrest: Ah, it’s Seth Rogan. The star of Knocked up makes a quick cameo in this movie as a paratrooper with a heart of gold. Seth? Seth can we have a word?
-Seth walks by and shoots a quick wave in the direction of the camera. The couple continues walking as the woman seems to love the attention she’s getting. They disappear into the building.
Ryan Seacrest: And let’s see who’s next.
-The next limousine’s door opens and out walks Jessica Biel. She smiles to the cameras as she twirls to let the camera get every angle of her.
Ryan Seacrest: It’s the lovely Jessica Biel. Co-star to Jackboot in his first motion picture. Ms. Biel, a quick word?
-Jessica obliges and steps towards the camera. She smiles and waves to one more camera before giving Ryan her undivided attention.
Ryan Seacrest: Most people have seen him on TV, but I was wondering, what was Jackboot like away from the camera?
-A embarrassing smirk covers the actress’ face.
Jessica Biel: No comment.
-She continues to giggle as she walks away and into the building.
Ryan Seacrest: He certainly has his way with the ladies.
-The crowd begins to get rather loud as the next limousine pulls in to the red carpet’s opening.
Ryan Seacrest: And judging by the roar of the crowd here he is.
-A slew of girls, all of which are scantily clad, step out from the vehicle. The large German wrestler then strides out. He leans forward and casts a glance over his sunglasses into the crowd of people. The girls jockey for position under Jackboot’s massive arms. Most of them fit under, as the ones who don’t attempt to conceal their disappointment.
Ryan Seacrest: Jackboot? Jackboot? Are any of these fine young ladies your next manager?
-The show host’s attempt to get a hold of the star prove to be worthless as the unruly crowd drowns his voice out. He and his harem disappear as the others before him into the building.
Ryan Seacrest: Well, we didn’t get a word with him, but there seems to be some commotion at the entrance.
-The camera pans to the red carpet’s entrance where, in the place of the limousines, sit’s a white Chrysler Le Barron. Pierce in his shabby blue suit steps out as cameras flash and get a look at his rough ride. He hands the keys off to a valet and then walks around the car. He then stops and opens the back door and unveils a dolled up version of Alexis Drayton. As she makes he appearance the reporters get very rowdy and begin to nearly tear down the velvet ropes to try and get a word with either of the two. Alexis takes Pierce by the crock of his arm as he leads her down the carpet.
Ryan Seacrest: Pierce? Pierce? A moment?
-Pierce catches Seacrest trying to acquire his attention. He turns to Alexis.
Pierce: Just a second, I have to give Jason Carter-Wales a little interview.
-She nods as she continues to walk away. Pierce strolls over and looks into the camera.
Ryan Seacrest: Pierce, we just saw you with Alexis Drayton, is this any indication that she is your new manager?
Pierce: Well, Jason, I told the world that I’ll unveil it Sunday and I’m sticking to that.
-Ryan looks confused as he was just called by a different name.
Ryan Seacrest: My name is Ryan Seacrest. You know E! host?
Pierce: Jason Carter-Wales does my interviews.
-Pierce looks at his hands as he tries to comprehend the change.
Pierce: This is an interview. Jason does my interviews.
Ryan Seacrest: Well anyways, speaking of Sunday, you have a big match coming up. Maybe the biggest match of your life, how have you prepared yourself for it?
-Pierce laughs out loud and looks back into the camera, waiting for the next question. When it doesn’t come he feels obliged to answer.
Pierce: Oh, Oh, you were serious? Okay, what have I done to prepare? What…have…I…done…to prepare?
-Pierce strokes his chin as he ponders.
Pierce: Well, I’ve stepped up to 12 cans a day of Kraft East Cheese (4% actual cheese). I finished a whole case of Dr. Pepper without getting up to pee, just barely. And I watched an entire season of Entourage.
-Ryan stares at him in confusion.
Ryan Seacrest: Quite frankly Pierce, I was looking for something a little more physical.
Pierce: Well, Jason, that proves two really good points. First, You don’t know me very well. Second, you know my opponent even less.
-He looks over his shoulder as Verne Troyer makes his way by.
Pierce: You see, I’ve stepped into the ring dozens of times with this man and it’s ended one of three ways. One, he winds up tapping out like a bitch. Two, he’s too proud for his own damn good and passes out. Or three, he gets lucky enough to not be in the ring when I finish the match and I get his partner to do one of the former. So, as you can see, there is no need to lift weights. There is no need to go running. There really is no reason to do anything at all other than just be Pierce Cavanaugh. And that’s what I plan on doing.
Ryan Seacrest: And if Pierce does that Sunday he’ll walk out the World champion and a double champion for the second time in his illustrious career.
Pierce: That’s right, but this here, this one is different. Before, it was ACW. Before, it was the tag titles and a …hardcore title? This, this is the big time. This is AWG. This is the tag titles along with the AWG World title. And after I accomplish this feat, I will go down as the greatest wrestler of all time.
-As he finishes his sentence, the biggest cheers of them all engulf the area. The camera pans as George Lucas steps out of his limousine. He waves to the loyal fans and begins to make his way towards Pierce and Ryan.
George Lucas: Ryan, how are you?
Pierce: Ryan? This is Jason Carter-Wales.
-George Lucas gives Pierce a funny look and then begins to walk away.
Pierce: Hey Georgie! Georgie, dude?
-He turns to look over his shoulder and attempts to continue walking.
Pierce: Any chance that you can get me a staring role. After all you got my partner one.
George: No, I don’t think I can.
Pierce: What’s he got that I don’t? I go sex appeal, I got muscles.
George: You want to know what he’s got that you don’t?
-Pierce nods as George turns around to face him. He gives one full handed grab of his crotch before turning back around and entering where the rest of the stars did.
Pierce: Jason, I think I was just insulted by George Lucas…simply amazing.
-Pierce pats Ryan on the shoulder and then begins to run after George.
Pierce: Georgie!…Georgie!…Let’s talk crotch stuffing!
-The camera pans off the flamboyant man and onto the roped off area. Cameras constantly flash at seemingly nothing until the first of the limousines pull up. The door opens and out pops an unshaven man with his gorgeous date.
Ryan Seacrest: Ah, it’s Seth Rogan. The star of Knocked up makes a quick cameo in this movie as a paratrooper with a heart of gold. Seth? Seth can we have a word?
-Seth walks by and shoots a quick wave in the direction of the camera. The couple continues walking as the woman seems to love the attention she’s getting. They disappear into the building.
Ryan Seacrest: And let’s see who’s next.
-The next limousine’s door opens and out walks Jessica Biel. She smiles to the cameras as she twirls to let the camera get every angle of her.
Ryan Seacrest: It’s the lovely Jessica Biel. Co-star to Jackboot in his first motion picture. Ms. Biel, a quick word?
-Jessica obliges and steps towards the camera. She smiles and waves to one more camera before giving Ryan her undivided attention.
Ryan Seacrest: Most people have seen him on TV, but I was wondering, what was Jackboot like away from the camera?
-A embarrassing smirk covers the actress’ face.
Jessica Biel: No comment.
-She continues to giggle as she walks away and into the building.
Ryan Seacrest: He certainly has his way with the ladies.
-The crowd begins to get rather loud as the next limousine pulls in to the red carpet’s opening.
Ryan Seacrest: And judging by the roar of the crowd here he is.
-A slew of girls, all of which are scantily clad, step out from the vehicle. The large German wrestler then strides out. He leans forward and casts a glance over his sunglasses into the crowd of people. The girls jockey for position under Jackboot’s massive arms. Most of them fit under, as the ones who don’t attempt to conceal their disappointment.
Ryan Seacrest: Jackboot? Jackboot? Are any of these fine young ladies your next manager?
-The show host’s attempt to get a hold of the star prove to be worthless as the unruly crowd drowns his voice out. He and his harem disappear as the others before him into the building.
Ryan Seacrest: Well, we didn’t get a word with him, but there seems to be some commotion at the entrance.
-The camera pans to the red carpet’s entrance where, in the place of the limousines, sit’s a white Chrysler Le Barron. Pierce in his shabby blue suit steps out as cameras flash and get a look at his rough ride. He hands the keys off to a valet and then walks around the car. He then stops and opens the back door and unveils a dolled up version of Alexis Drayton. As she makes he appearance the reporters get very rowdy and begin to nearly tear down the velvet ropes to try and get a word with either of the two. Alexis takes Pierce by the crock of his arm as he leads her down the carpet.
Ryan Seacrest: Pierce? Pierce? A moment?
-Pierce catches Seacrest trying to acquire his attention. He turns to Alexis.
Pierce: Just a second, I have to give Jason Carter-Wales a little interview.
-She nods as she continues to walk away. Pierce strolls over and looks into the camera.
Ryan Seacrest: Pierce, we just saw you with Alexis Drayton, is this any indication that she is your new manager?
Pierce: Well, Jason, I told the world that I’ll unveil it Sunday and I’m sticking to that.
-Ryan looks confused as he was just called by a different name.
Ryan Seacrest: My name is Ryan Seacrest. You know E! host?
Pierce: Jason Carter-Wales does my interviews.
-Pierce looks at his hands as he tries to comprehend the change.
Pierce: This is an interview. Jason does my interviews.
Ryan Seacrest: Well anyways, speaking of Sunday, you have a big match coming up. Maybe the biggest match of your life, how have you prepared yourself for it?
-Pierce laughs out loud and looks back into the camera, waiting for the next question. When it doesn’t come he feels obliged to answer.
Pierce: Oh, Oh, you were serious? Okay, what have I done to prepare? What…have…I…done…to prepare?
-Pierce strokes his chin as he ponders.
Pierce: Well, I’ve stepped up to 12 cans a day of Kraft East Cheese (4% actual cheese). I finished a whole case of Dr. Pepper without getting up to pee, just barely. And I watched an entire season of Entourage.
-Ryan stares at him in confusion.
Ryan Seacrest: Quite frankly Pierce, I was looking for something a little more physical.
Pierce: Well, Jason, that proves two really good points. First, You don’t know me very well. Second, you know my opponent even less.
-He looks over his shoulder as Verne Troyer makes his way by.
Pierce: You see, I’ve stepped into the ring dozens of times with this man and it’s ended one of three ways. One, he winds up tapping out like a bitch. Two, he’s too proud for his own damn good and passes out. Or three, he gets lucky enough to not be in the ring when I finish the match and I get his partner to do one of the former. So, as you can see, there is no need to lift weights. There is no need to go running. There really is no reason to do anything at all other than just be Pierce Cavanaugh. And that’s what I plan on doing.
Ryan Seacrest: And if Pierce does that Sunday he’ll walk out the World champion and a double champion for the second time in his illustrious career.
Pierce: That’s right, but this here, this one is different. Before, it was ACW. Before, it was the tag titles and a …hardcore title? This, this is the big time. This is AWG. This is the tag titles along with the AWG World title. And after I accomplish this feat, I will go down as the greatest wrestler of all time.
-As he finishes his sentence, the biggest cheers of them all engulf the area. The camera pans as George Lucas steps out of his limousine. He waves to the loyal fans and begins to make his way towards Pierce and Ryan.
George Lucas: Ryan, how are you?
Pierce: Ryan? This is Jason Carter-Wales.
-George Lucas gives Pierce a funny look and then begins to walk away.
Pierce: Hey Georgie! Georgie, dude?
-He turns to look over his shoulder and attempts to continue walking.
Pierce: Any chance that you can get me a staring role. After all you got my partner one.
George: No, I don’t think I can.
Pierce: What’s he got that I don’t? I go sex appeal, I got muscles.
George: You want to know what he’s got that you don’t?
-Pierce nods as George turns around to face him. He gives one full handed grab of his crotch before turning back around and entering where the rest of the stars did.
Pierce: Jason, I think I was just insulted by George Lucas…simply amazing.
-Pierce pats Ryan on the shoulder and then begins to run after George.
Pierce: Georgie!…Georgie!…Let’s talk crotch stuffing!
