Post by Dollar McDougal on Jul 1, 2008 22:33:11 GMT -5
The following is the transcript from an audio interview with Dollar McDougal, as conducted by McDougal's new, personally hired journalist, Justin Davis.
Justin Davis - So, Mr. McDougal, you have a match coming up this WEdnesday night with former World Champion Sage Christensen. What is your strategy going into this match?
Dollar McDougal - Sage Christensen. Let me tell you something about Sage Christensen. On July 8, Sage Christensen thinks he'll make history by becoming the first ever two-time AWG World Champion. He thinks he can stop the momentum of Dollar McDougal and the new World Champion Jack Gaither?
Justin Davis - The Patriots.
Dollar McDougal - The...what?
Justin Davis - The Patriots. That's what Jack's calling you two now.
Dollar McDougal - Oh. Well, whatever. I didn't realize that we needed a moniker, but I told Jack that he's an equal partner in this thing, so if he wants to call us The Patriots, that's up to him. Hell, if he wants to call us "Simon and Garfunkel," that's up to him. As long as I'm Simon. Garfunkel's got a nice set of pipes and all, but his hair was always stupid looking.
Justin Davis - Gotcha. Dollar is Simon. No problem.
Dollar McDougal - Are you writing that down?
Justin Davis - Well, yeah.
Dollar McDougal - Wow. Look, I don't really WANT to be Simon. I'm just saying...if he were to liken us to Simon and Garfunkel, Simon would be my...you know what? Just screw it. Fine, I'm Simon.
Justin Davis - Simon McDougal! Have any relatives named that, Mr. McDougal?
Dollar McDougal - No. Of course not. "Dollar McDougal" is a stage name. For Christ's sakes, are you new to this business?
Justin Davis - Well, yeah, I kinda am...
Dollar McDougal - Well, start paying attention!
Justin Davis - So what IS your real name?
Dollar McDougal - If you really want to know, you can go look it up online. I'm sure some of those smarks out there have it on one of their stupid little wrestling sites. You know, the same ones that can tell you every wrestler's hometown, how many titles they've held, their mother's maiden name, their in-ring debut, and when they took their last crap. Those people really have too much time on their hands.
Justin Davis - Sounds like it. So, Mr. McDougal...
Dollar McDougal - You're not gonna ask me when I took my last crap, are you?
Justin Davis - No. I mean...no. God no. I was just going to ask you again about your first match in quite sometime this Wednesday night against Sage Christensen at Authenticity.
Dollar McDougal - Yeah, that is what we were talking about, wasn't it? How'd we end up talking about Simon and crap? This is ridiculous. You're the worst journalist ever.
Justin Davis - Well, I did warn you that I don't know anything about wrestling. I'm a basketball columnist. You just offered me way too much money to turn down this job. Why did you hire me, if I may ask?
Dollar McDougal - Eh, you were around. And the job's so easy any trained monkey could do it. I just needed somebody to feed me questions to I'm not sitting here talking to myself. That would make me look dumb. And I don't like looking dumb.
Justin Davis - I see.
Dollar McDougal - Plus that other guy - Jason Wale blubber something or other. His name's too long. Your is nice and short. Two names. That's all you need. Three? Ridiculous.
Justin Davis - Okay. So. Sage Christensen. Anything else to say about him?
Dollar McDougal - Justin, Justin, Justin. What else is there to say? Sage wants his rematch with Jack Gaither. I'm going to stand in his way. And if I end up hurting Sage along the way - which I may end up doing, since I'm so well rested - then so be it.
Dollar McDougal - You see, Justin, Jack Gaither is an investment of mine right now. And any good businessman knows that his number one priority is protecting his investment. Keeping that gold out of the hands of undeserving people like Sage Christensen, TC Jagger, Rob DiPietro, and others...that's my job right now. See, I've been on the other end of this. I've been the guy in the title picture. And you know what the people I trusted to help me did? They failed. Every last one of them. Whether it was Jagger, Carnage, the Posse, or that thankfully retired Jace Diggs...
Justin Davis - Wait, wait. I did my research, and wasn't Jace Diggs a firend of yours?
Dollar McDougal - Was. Yes. But you should've seen him toward the end. Immitating me and whatnot. UJD? What the hell is that about? He was awful.
Justin Davis - He was World Champion.
Dollar McDougal - And he lost it to Sage Christensen. That should tell you something.
Justin Davis - Right
Dollar McDougal - Bottom line, my boy, is that Sage Christensen's star was shining bright for awhile. But it was an illusion. At Exodus, Jack and myself ended a championship reign that - truth be told - should probably have never existed to begin with. And now Sage wants to get back to where he was. He wants to keep that star from fading any more than it already has. He's clinging to that falling star, Justin. Grasping. But Dollar McDougal - this Wednesday night - is going to make sure that Sage falls right along with it.
End feed
(OOC: I'm sorry for the last minute and sort of crappy post. No detail or anything in this one. I've been battling a bit of a virus today, and it was tough to even get this out. Of course, if I'd written something BEFORE the last day, I wouldn't have had this problem. I know that, so you don't even have to tell me. ;o)
Justin Davis - So, Mr. McDougal, you have a match coming up this WEdnesday night with former World Champion Sage Christensen. What is your strategy going into this match?
Dollar McDougal - Sage Christensen. Let me tell you something about Sage Christensen. On July 8, Sage Christensen thinks he'll make history by becoming the first ever two-time AWG World Champion. He thinks he can stop the momentum of Dollar McDougal and the new World Champion Jack Gaither?
Justin Davis - The Patriots.
Dollar McDougal - The...what?
Justin Davis - The Patriots. That's what Jack's calling you two now.
Dollar McDougal - Oh. Well, whatever. I didn't realize that we needed a moniker, but I told Jack that he's an equal partner in this thing, so if he wants to call us The Patriots, that's up to him. Hell, if he wants to call us "Simon and Garfunkel," that's up to him. As long as I'm Simon. Garfunkel's got a nice set of pipes and all, but his hair was always stupid looking.
Justin Davis - Gotcha. Dollar is Simon. No problem.
Dollar McDougal - Are you writing that down?
Justin Davis - Well, yeah.
Dollar McDougal - Wow. Look, I don't really WANT to be Simon. I'm just saying...if he were to liken us to Simon and Garfunkel, Simon would be my...you know what? Just screw it. Fine, I'm Simon.
Justin Davis - Simon McDougal! Have any relatives named that, Mr. McDougal?
Dollar McDougal - No. Of course not. "Dollar McDougal" is a stage name. For Christ's sakes, are you new to this business?
Justin Davis - Well, yeah, I kinda am...
Dollar McDougal - Well, start paying attention!
Justin Davis - So what IS your real name?
Dollar McDougal - If you really want to know, you can go look it up online. I'm sure some of those smarks out there have it on one of their stupid little wrestling sites. You know, the same ones that can tell you every wrestler's hometown, how many titles they've held, their mother's maiden name, their in-ring debut, and when they took their last crap. Those people really have too much time on their hands.
Justin Davis - Sounds like it. So, Mr. McDougal...
Dollar McDougal - You're not gonna ask me when I took my last crap, are you?
Justin Davis - No. I mean...no. God no. I was just going to ask you again about your first match in quite sometime this Wednesday night against Sage Christensen at Authenticity.
Dollar McDougal - Yeah, that is what we were talking about, wasn't it? How'd we end up talking about Simon and crap? This is ridiculous. You're the worst journalist ever.
Justin Davis - Well, I did warn you that I don't know anything about wrestling. I'm a basketball columnist. You just offered me way too much money to turn down this job. Why did you hire me, if I may ask?
Dollar McDougal - Eh, you were around. And the job's so easy any trained monkey could do it. I just needed somebody to feed me questions to I'm not sitting here talking to myself. That would make me look dumb. And I don't like looking dumb.
Justin Davis - I see.
Dollar McDougal - Plus that other guy - Jason Wale blubber something or other. His name's too long. Your is nice and short. Two names. That's all you need. Three? Ridiculous.
Justin Davis - Okay. So. Sage Christensen. Anything else to say about him?
Dollar McDougal - Justin, Justin, Justin. What else is there to say? Sage wants his rematch with Jack Gaither. I'm going to stand in his way. And if I end up hurting Sage along the way - which I may end up doing, since I'm so well rested - then so be it.
Dollar McDougal - You see, Justin, Jack Gaither is an investment of mine right now. And any good businessman knows that his number one priority is protecting his investment. Keeping that gold out of the hands of undeserving people like Sage Christensen, TC Jagger, Rob DiPietro, and others...that's my job right now. See, I've been on the other end of this. I've been the guy in the title picture. And you know what the people I trusted to help me did? They failed. Every last one of them. Whether it was Jagger, Carnage, the Posse, or that thankfully retired Jace Diggs...
Justin Davis - Wait, wait. I did my research, and wasn't Jace Diggs a firend of yours?
Dollar McDougal - Was. Yes. But you should've seen him toward the end. Immitating me and whatnot. UJD? What the hell is that about? He was awful.
Justin Davis - He was World Champion.
Dollar McDougal - And he lost it to Sage Christensen. That should tell you something.
Justin Davis - Right
Dollar McDougal - Bottom line, my boy, is that Sage Christensen's star was shining bright for awhile. But it was an illusion. At Exodus, Jack and myself ended a championship reign that - truth be told - should probably have never existed to begin with. And now Sage wants to get back to where he was. He wants to keep that star from fading any more than it already has. He's clinging to that falling star, Justin. Grasping. But Dollar McDougal - this Wednesday night - is going to make sure that Sage falls right along with it.
End feed
(OOC: I'm sorry for the last minute and sort of crappy post. No detail or anything in this one. I've been battling a bit of a virus today, and it was tough to even get this out. Of course, if I'd written something BEFORE the last day, I wouldn't have had this problem. I know that, so you don't even have to tell me. ;o)
