Post by Dollar McDougal on Nov 13, 2007 21:19:00 GMT -5
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming.
One of Dollar McDougal’s lackeys, Flyin’ Patrick, in a full suit, greets a room full of reporters and television cameras
And to those of you watching at home, thanks for tuning in. In a moment, Dollar McDougal will be out here to make an announcement. Afterwards, he will be taking a few brief questions.
Patrick motions toward a sign near the wall.
And I remind you, please, no flash photography. Not that Mr. McDougal doesn’t like being photographed. He loves it. Flashes just annoy him.
Patrick now motions toward the door to the left of the podium.
And now, without any further adieu, the man of the hour…Mr. Dollar McDougal.
AWG superstar Dollar McDougal enters through the door with all smiles. His smile somewhat fades as he approaches the podium.
Isn’t this the part where you’re all supposed to applaud? What the hell kind of press conference is this?
The reporters all look at each other and whisper.
Fine. I don’t care if you applaud. I know I’m the best. I don’t need you peons cheering me on. Now, let’s get on with this.
McDougal cracks his knuckles, pulls some note cards out of his inner jacket pocket, and makes the familiar Dollar McDougal smile on his face as he begins to read.
Ladies and gentlemen, as you all know, I helped to form the Authentic Wrestling Gods earlier this year. Indeed, I was the driving force behind the group. I had the money, the persistence, and the power. Big Business, Jace Diggs, and that ungrateful T.C. Jagger were on board the McDougal train from day one, and the AWG was born. I pulled off the ultimate swerve in turning my back on Rob DiPietro and helping to destroy him. Later, I brought in the talents of Pierce Cavanaugh, Jackboot, and John Mercer. Finally, I sealed the deal by ushering in the most decorated ACW competitor of all time - Cap’n Carnage - in one of the biggest shockers in professional wrestling history.
McDougal shifts his note cards.
My next shocker - along with a few of my partners in the AWG - was to bring this AWG to the forefront of professional wrestling. To turn the AWG into an entity that stands alone. To achieve the dream of every AWG member and create the greatest wrestling organization of all time. The right people came to us with the right amount of money, and there you have it - on December 2, the AWG will open its doors with Divine Intervention, bringing a flurry of former champions in ACW and other associations with it. Something no one would have expected just a few short months ago.
Again, McDougal shifts his note cards. He reads silently for a moment, looks up at those in attendance, and smiles wide. He then continues.
So after this…after all of this, what else could I, Dollar McDougal, have in store for you? Perhaps the biggest shocker of them all. Not only to all you reporters in attendance, and not only to all the people watching on the TV sets, but to every last superstar in the AWG locker room set to compete at Divine Intervention. My announcement here tonight will change the world of wrestling forever.
Again, a note card shift.
They call me “The Money Man with the Master Plan.” Never before has that been more obvious. Because, ladies and gentlemen, I did what nobody else in the world of professional wrestling could have done. I cheated the system we know as life. I reinvented the machine we call a body. In short, ladies and gentlemen…I played God.
The crowd of reporters now start whispering and jotting down notes quickly.
There’s somebody I’d like to introduce all of you to. Someone I’ve kept hidden in the shadows for quite some time. Someone who will act as my muscle and destroy anything that comes before me! Ladies and gentlemen…walking through that door, right now…I give you….Rage!
Gasps and loud chatter fill the room as former GWA and ACW superstar Rage enters through the same door McDougal had previously come out of. Rage looks bigger, stronger, and meaner than ever as he lurks across the stage and stands next to McDougal.
Long ago, a little man named Rob DiPietro thought he killed Rage. He thought he ended the life of the man you see standing before you. This monstrous being who has spent the last year and a half in basement of the McDougal Mansion. Training. Getting stronger. Getting meaner. Getting hungrier. Think about it, folks. Who is the one man with the kind of money and resources that would insure a seamless forgery of death? It was I who paid off the doctors. The nurses. The coroner. The funeral director. Rage did leave his match with DiPietro a broken and bloodied mess. But the bad news for everyone at Divine Intervention is that what does not kill us…only makes us stronger!
One of the reporters now hops up, throws a hand in the air, and attempts to ask a quick question.
So does this mean…
McDougal cuts him off swiftly.
Yes! It means that, at Divine Intervention, the rest of the AWG must worry about my muscle - the man watching my back - Rage. He will be a part of Divine Intervention, and he will guarantee my place as the first AWG World Champion!
The menacing Rage snarls as his eyes widen. Another reporter stands up.
So he’s been in hiding at the McDougal Mansion this whole time? Rage, what was that like?
McDougal steps in and answers instead.
Yes, he was there all along. We couldn’t allow for any mistakes. We couldn’t allow for anyone to find out what was going on. The timing had to be just right. And with the dawn of the AWG upon us, it is now time. Rage will help me in becoming the face of the institution that I created.
Another reporter up.
What about Rage’s former tag team partner and Dollar’s friend, Cap’n Carnage? Surely, he was let in on this?
Rage steps in to answer, but McDougal cuts him off again.
Carnage knew nothing of this. No offense to the Cap’n, but we could have no leaks. However, Rage will be helping BOTH Carnage and myself at Divine Intervention. Make no mistake - Carnage and I are still the best of friends and still plan on taking the world of professional wrestling over.
So Rage is on the AWG roster now? This is a major addition!
Actually, this is a one-time deal. Rage will be at Divine Intervention. He will aid me in winning the World Title. And that’s it. Don’t get used to seeing him around. But the boys in the back had better fear him while he IS here. Now…just one more question, and I’m getting out of here.
One last reporter steps up.
Well, I think the question we’re all asking is…why? Why fake your own death, Rage? And why come back after a year and a half out of the business to help McDougal?
McDougal steps in to answer, but Rage holds up a powerful hand. McDougal steps back and ushers Rage to the microphone. Rage then slowly speaks.
To paraphrase Alfred, Lord Tennyson…Mine is not the reason why. Mine is but to do…or die.
Rage steps away from the microphone, still giving an evil eye to the crowd of reporters, and he and McDougal walk back out through the door as Flying Patrick holds it open for them.
One of Dollar McDougal’s lackeys, Flyin’ Patrick, in a full suit, greets a room full of reporters and television cameras
And to those of you watching at home, thanks for tuning in. In a moment, Dollar McDougal will be out here to make an announcement. Afterwards, he will be taking a few brief questions.
Patrick motions toward a sign near the wall.
And I remind you, please, no flash photography. Not that Mr. McDougal doesn’t like being photographed. He loves it. Flashes just annoy him.
Patrick now motions toward the door to the left of the podium.
And now, without any further adieu, the man of the hour…Mr. Dollar McDougal.
AWG superstar Dollar McDougal enters through the door with all smiles. His smile somewhat fades as he approaches the podium.
Isn’t this the part where you’re all supposed to applaud? What the hell kind of press conference is this?
The reporters all look at each other and whisper.
Fine. I don’t care if you applaud. I know I’m the best. I don’t need you peons cheering me on. Now, let’s get on with this.
McDougal cracks his knuckles, pulls some note cards out of his inner jacket pocket, and makes the familiar Dollar McDougal smile on his face as he begins to read.
Ladies and gentlemen, as you all know, I helped to form the Authentic Wrestling Gods earlier this year. Indeed, I was the driving force behind the group. I had the money, the persistence, and the power. Big Business, Jace Diggs, and that ungrateful T.C. Jagger were on board the McDougal train from day one, and the AWG was born. I pulled off the ultimate swerve in turning my back on Rob DiPietro and helping to destroy him. Later, I brought in the talents of Pierce Cavanaugh, Jackboot, and John Mercer. Finally, I sealed the deal by ushering in the most decorated ACW competitor of all time - Cap’n Carnage - in one of the biggest shockers in professional wrestling history.
McDougal shifts his note cards.
My next shocker - along with a few of my partners in the AWG - was to bring this AWG to the forefront of professional wrestling. To turn the AWG into an entity that stands alone. To achieve the dream of every AWG member and create the greatest wrestling organization of all time. The right people came to us with the right amount of money, and there you have it - on December 2, the AWG will open its doors with Divine Intervention, bringing a flurry of former champions in ACW and other associations with it. Something no one would have expected just a few short months ago.
Again, McDougal shifts his note cards. He reads silently for a moment, looks up at those in attendance, and smiles wide. He then continues.
So after this…after all of this, what else could I, Dollar McDougal, have in store for you? Perhaps the biggest shocker of them all. Not only to all you reporters in attendance, and not only to all the people watching on the TV sets, but to every last superstar in the AWG locker room set to compete at Divine Intervention. My announcement here tonight will change the world of wrestling forever.
Again, a note card shift.
They call me “The Money Man with the Master Plan.” Never before has that been more obvious. Because, ladies and gentlemen, I did what nobody else in the world of professional wrestling could have done. I cheated the system we know as life. I reinvented the machine we call a body. In short, ladies and gentlemen…I played God.
The crowd of reporters now start whispering and jotting down notes quickly.
There’s somebody I’d like to introduce all of you to. Someone I’ve kept hidden in the shadows for quite some time. Someone who will act as my muscle and destroy anything that comes before me! Ladies and gentlemen…walking through that door, right now…I give you….Rage!
Gasps and loud chatter fill the room as former GWA and ACW superstar Rage enters through the same door McDougal had previously come out of. Rage looks bigger, stronger, and meaner than ever as he lurks across the stage and stands next to McDougal.
Long ago, a little man named Rob DiPietro thought he killed Rage. He thought he ended the life of the man you see standing before you. This monstrous being who has spent the last year and a half in basement of the McDougal Mansion. Training. Getting stronger. Getting meaner. Getting hungrier. Think about it, folks. Who is the one man with the kind of money and resources that would insure a seamless forgery of death? It was I who paid off the doctors. The nurses. The coroner. The funeral director. Rage did leave his match with DiPietro a broken and bloodied mess. But the bad news for everyone at Divine Intervention is that what does not kill us…only makes us stronger!
One of the reporters now hops up, throws a hand in the air, and attempts to ask a quick question.
So does this mean…
McDougal cuts him off swiftly.
Yes! It means that, at Divine Intervention, the rest of the AWG must worry about my muscle - the man watching my back - Rage. He will be a part of Divine Intervention, and he will guarantee my place as the first AWG World Champion!
The menacing Rage snarls as his eyes widen. Another reporter stands up.
So he’s been in hiding at the McDougal Mansion this whole time? Rage, what was that like?
McDougal steps in and answers instead.
Yes, he was there all along. We couldn’t allow for any mistakes. We couldn’t allow for anyone to find out what was going on. The timing had to be just right. And with the dawn of the AWG upon us, it is now time. Rage will help me in becoming the face of the institution that I created.
Another reporter up.
What about Rage’s former tag team partner and Dollar’s friend, Cap’n Carnage? Surely, he was let in on this?
Rage steps in to answer, but McDougal cuts him off again.
Carnage knew nothing of this. No offense to the Cap’n, but we could have no leaks. However, Rage will be helping BOTH Carnage and myself at Divine Intervention. Make no mistake - Carnage and I are still the best of friends and still plan on taking the world of professional wrestling over.
So Rage is on the AWG roster now? This is a major addition!
Actually, this is a one-time deal. Rage will be at Divine Intervention. He will aid me in winning the World Title. And that’s it. Don’t get used to seeing him around. But the boys in the back had better fear him while he IS here. Now…just one more question, and I’m getting out of here.
One last reporter steps up.
Well, I think the question we’re all asking is…why? Why fake your own death, Rage? And why come back after a year and a half out of the business to help McDougal?
McDougal steps in to answer, but Rage holds up a powerful hand. McDougal steps back and ushers Rage to the microphone. Rage then slowly speaks.
To paraphrase Alfred, Lord Tennyson…Mine is not the reason why. Mine is but to do…or die.
Rage steps away from the microphone, still giving an evil eye to the crowd of reporters, and he and McDougal walk back out through the door as Flying Patrick holds it open for them.